mousemusings...multimedia, music, progressive politics, video, web design and general rants
Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudice or flush Lake Erie but when they find ways to inhabit primitive communities again. That's my utopia.
~Kurt Vonnegut
Sunday, March 16, 2003

Giant Kroger Plus Shoppers Card

I had just finished the last bite of my french bread pizza and was relaxing with my glass of fine wine, when there was a knock at the door. I was going to ignore it, as I often do, but the knock was persistent and loud.

Grudgingly I opened the door and saw him, a Giant Kroger Plus Shoppers Card, his eyes, peering through the embossed advertisement of fruit were familiar in an eerie way. They had the sunken dark-circle effect of a WWII nazi general, the tell-tale sign of a man who has never had good sex, and probably never will. Yes, the eyes of a man intimidated by the breast of a statue, and calico cats.

"Yes?", I asked, through a half open door.

The Giant Kroger Plus Card pushed his rectangular body against the door, flinging it so hard the doorknob hit the wall. "Ya got a minute? I'm here to ask about purchases you made this past Sunday morning, purchases you made, mind you, when you should have been at church."

"Yes, go on", I replied, trying to recall if one of the new rules of this emerging society mandated I go to church. I didn't think so, after all, this is America. That couldn't happen, could it?

"Your shopping habits are subject to scrutiny, and the data-cruncher in our Kroger database, which has yet to be cross-checked with other data, has shown you to be highly suspect. In addition to shopping on Sunday, it shows you've had a habit of buying French products, jalapeno flavored hummus and pita bread, incense, zig-zags, and french bubble bath. Oh, yes, raspberries and grapes from Chile are also red flags. Organic milk doesn't help your case one iota either ma'am", he bellowed.

"My case?" I asked, blinded by the absurdity of this Giant Kroger Plus Card on my doorstep.

"Well, ma'am, we don't even need to have a case to haul you away. I can simply imply you're a terrorist and be off with you. However, I want to test the capability of the newly developed data-mining that we've spent big bucks on, therefore, I won't be hauling you away just yet. It's a grand hobby of mine to instill fear and demand complicity. Have a pleasant evening and I'll see you at the Assembly of God Church next Sunday. Oh, yes, we will be paying attention to your monetary donations. The faith based abstinence program Free Teens USA will be a prime beneficiary. Our media financier Rev Moon founded the program and it will please him. I'm sure you agree that those irresponsible safe sex education programs only prove to make sex attractive to teens."

I locked the door.
posted by Cyndy | link | | |


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