It's been a month to the day since my father died. I miss him terribly. He was very special.
I still don't know what I'm doing. My job has been gracious enough to let me telecommute but that won't last forever. 90 days is what they give me, though I'm much more productive now than I could ever have been there.
At least it gives me time. Time for what, I don't know. I'm here and I have to stay. I gave up a lot to be here and I'm afraid I will lose everything I had at home. I seem to be quite good at losing people.
I may come back to this blog with a vengeance because I'm bored, or I may give it up because I struggle too hard for words and for inspiration.
It's difficult to go outside because my mother needs someone here all the time for her protection. I've tried sneaking out while she was napping only to come home and find her in the bathroom screaming for me becasue she couldn't get back in her wheelchair. She could have fallen. She fell a few years ago and fractured her spine. I can't let that happen again.
The desert is my home. I know that. I have to find a way to live, not simply survive. Living in this house alone, with my mom, yet very alone, is suffocating me even with all the fresh blue sky right outside my door.
Thank you all for the condolences. I don't even know how to respond. But thank you.
posted by Cyndy