mousemusings...multimedia, music, progressive politics, video, web design and general rants
Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudice or flush Lake Erie but when they find ways to inhabit primitive communities again. That's my utopia.
~Kurt Vonnegut
Friday, November 24, 2006

Things are the way they are for a reason

That's what we often say when we don't understand what is happening. We just have to tell ourselves there's a reason for it.

I recently accepted a different job... Well, ok, I started it back in July when my blogging dropped of to something near non-existent. Maybe that isn't really all that recent.

The new job dramatically changed my life. No more midnights, with a huge promise of training and mentoring and tuition reimbursement, not to mention more time for me to be with someone special. It was quite stressful and I had no time to read or blog but the promise of being able to ultimately qualify for a position I wanted was worth it. At least it seemed like it.

On November 11th, things changed again. Dramatically.

My father had been in the hospital but was to go home Friday. I told him Thursday that I would call him at home on Friday. He was in a really good mood. He said they had found out why his energy level was so low and why his breathing had been so difficult and that it was treatable. In 3 - 6 months he would feel like himself again.

On Friday I headed home from work, eager to phone my dad at home. Instead, his doctor called me and recommended I go to New Mexico. I made quick plans, arrived at the hospital about 2pm Saturday, and got to talk with my dad who was struggling very hard to breathe, but was still quite lucid. We told each other 'I love you'. By 4pm he was sedated and intubated to hopefully give him a chance to rest. By 8pm he was gone.
My father, who was supposed to live forever, was gone. My pillar of strength is gone.

I'm here.

I'm far away from my home. I just 'celebrated' Thanksgiving with my mother.
Although my mother seems to understand that my father is gone, there is very little emotion or sign that she understands the implications. It was very strange sitting at a table with her today, at what is a family event, knowing that both my father and brother are gone. We ate as if it were any other afternoon.

I guess that's a funny thing about Alzheimers. They are the only person in their own world. Other people are there to wait on them.
Other people. Not daughter. I'm the 'other people'. I'm the servant who can be yelled at.

My father opted to be the 'other people' as long as he could. Now it's up to me.

I wonder if I can get unemployment.
posted by Cyndy | link | | |


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