Following up on my pain post below I purposely avoided talking about the pain that is most prominent in my life right now. If I avoid it, it isn't there, right? I see and feel Craig's pain daily. I wouldn't want it any other way, but it does paralyze me.
He is actually in very little physical or psychic pain but his energy and appetite have fallen to new lows. Just last week he was vibrantly recording his CD in the studio. I know it was a stretch for him to dig up the energy, but he found it once the guitar was in his hands. Music is powerful stuff! Musicians have a knack of harnessing collective energy.
Craig's music is beautiful
and I will be left with some wonderful memories, but I'm selfish, I don't want to live with memories. I don't want to be left. I'm still looking at alternatives, perhaps I am grabbing at straws, but as long as I can touch a bit of hope I have to try to hold it. He doesn't always feel that way. He's been through so much already. He will see the oncologist today for comfort meds. No one in his position should be denied or forced through obstacles to obtain comfort. No one need be denied medical care or self medication when they reach the edge of this known existence yet it happens all the time. So many things we need to change...sigh...
posted by Cyndy